Aimee, I think about the qualifications for elders in 1 Timothy 3, of the 15 or so qualifications for elders, only one is "able to teach." Especially in Reformed churches, I think that so much emphasis has been placed on the one qualification "able to teach," that the others like "not conceited," "gentle," and "hospitable" are forgotten. I see this as coming from Calvin's mystical view of preaching and the two tiers they find in Ephesians 4. If I were a man who believed that the words I preached, and I alone, were the very words of God, and should be perceived as such, and that I and my fellow leaders were the only ones who "did the work of ministry," then what could that do to my soul? Can pastors willingly or unwittingly become inflated in their own eyes or the eyes of their people to the extent that Christ is obscured? I am fairly confident that neither they nor their people can live well under such a distortion. A pastor once said to me that the most difficult time for him was after he preached a sermon that was well-received and people were coming up to him to thank him. It was so demoralizing to him because he said he knew the sinfulness of his soul and how unworthy he was to be used in such a way. Perhaps our ecclesiology needs more reforming.
My brother was a pastor for years and suffered burnout. Even though he has always remained in relationships with mentors and friends. There is no Biblical example or mandate for the one man pastor/priest model of ministry...they worked in teams of equals and empowered everyone for ministry without a clergy laity divide. Church happened around the dinner table with folks who were thought of as extended family and all the older people helped to disciple ALL the younger ones and new converts into mutual every member ministry, not just special "clergy."
Instead of trying to reinvent the wheel we should get back to original practices. This book might interest you, based in years of experience and in church history.
I think if we are honest, we all long for this kind of soul-friendship you talk about—for someone else to recognize the good work that God is already doing in our hearts and lives, and then to be able to do that for others.
We aren’t projects or problems. We are image bearers of our Creator and sometimes we need someone else to remind us of that fact. The Holy Spirit cares more about our restoration than we do and He is always at work. But sometimes He uses others to point it out to us.
I just want to scream yes!!! 💕 Thank you for these words.
I agree. I think it's tied up with all of the things that pastors are expected to be, like you mentioned. Personally, I find it hard to be an organizational leader and manager while also trying to be a spiritual director. It creates a sort of cognitive dissonance in all of my relationships--divided between shepherding and managing.
I’ve read a several books of Peterson’s but have either not seen this or have forgotten it. Do you mind sharing where he discusses this? I would like to (re)read it.
I don't think it's one of his more popular ones. I've gotten so much out of it, though! And I just ordered "The Contemplative Pastor," which I think will serve as a good companion to it. I love books written for pastors, is that weird?!
Hi friend. If I may, I’d like to share from a pastor-who-is-also-a-spiritual director’s perspective.
I love that you are highlighting a pastor’s need for anam cara (soul friends). I couldn’t agree more, and I would say all humans need these kinds of friends —those who challenge, guide, inspire, and support spiritually.
I’d like to offer that the formal art of spiritual direction is quite different than friendship, however. Spiritual direction is a unique context in which a wise guide is trained to hold sacred space of deep listening, unconditional positive regard, and selflessly undivided attention. The deep listening in spiritual direction requires being trained to listen to another and to the Spirit at the same time, without offering advice, opinion, one’s own experience, or any form of control. It is the art of loving detachment and intense investment in the inner landscape of another at the same time.
It requires extensive training and supervision for obvious reasons. It’s an ethics-bound vocation.
Pastors may offer this to congregants on an extremely limited basis, but cannot possibly offer this while attending to pastoral care (different than spiritual direction) and building sermons weekly plus their other duties. Likewise, the average person can’t offer this to another without training. We can offer this kind of sacred space to one another sometimes, and it is loving and life giving to do so, but the unique context of spiritual direction is what makes it so powerful, much like a therapeutic relationship.
That being said, my wish is that we could all experience spiritual direction and the powerful healing that comes with it, especially clergy members. Churches should provide reimbursement for this to their pastors as they would receive a deep, rich return on their investment.
Such good points, Amber. What I'm sharing from Peterson's writing is a more limited basis than the professional vocation of Spiritual Director. It would be great for churches to finance this for their pastors.
Yes and to expect all soul care to be free borders on cruelty. This work is not done by AI, but by humans who need to provide for their families the same as all people.
As a counselor to pastors, this really resonates. And reminds me of yet another reason I love the Gospel of John and the vision it provides for God’s people in contrast to the development of hierarchy and clericalism in the church: “I do not call you servants anymore, because a servant doesn’t know what his master is doing. I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything I have heard from my Father” (John 15:15). It really is hard to imagine this possibility and what it would take to press in to this paradigm shift. But if Jesus could be friend, a soul friend even, to his disciples, surely it is possible for pastors. I also know it’s possible because I have seen a few pastors practice this kind of healthy friendship with their congregants. But, sadly, they do so knowing it goes against the grain of the advice from their mentors and seminary professors.
I have to admit that I did not read all the posts on this thread so what I say may have already been said, anyway here goes my thoughts.
First I have to say that I understand this issue from a second and first hand perspective. I mean as second hand because I was an assistant pastor for a few years before become a senior pastor, and first hand having been a senior pastor.
As an assistant my greatest discouragement came from senior leadership not the congregation. The feeling was like ‘we want to use your talents but you need to stay in the background’. Which is okay but I knew God was calling me to something more even if saying that here sounds self-serving. Then when I was asked to leave and subsequently started a church I can wholly agree with the first quote in this post. After many years of that type of behavior I left the pastorate. I did not leave only because of that behavior. Looking back I realize that I allowed the behavior to affect the closeness of my walk with the Lord God Almighty.
Saying all this is not the reason for this post. The reason for this post is to question or to start a discussion about the Scriptural role of leadership in the Church. The Scriptures tell us in Ephesians that Jesus gave gifted people to the church for leadership. In many main stream churches currently the only leadership really talked about is pastors.
It seems to me that the term is used so loosely that we have had to define the rolls by called them the pastor of this and the pastor of that. But what does the Scriptures say? Maybe part of the problem is an incorrect understanding of Scriptural Church leadership.
pastoring or shepherding is only one gift among so many but we treat this gift/ call as the highest honor and place of highest authority in the church. I do not believe this is what scripture teaches. If we truly believe a church needed every person and every gift, and function, then surely the demands on the pastor or pastors would be diminished and shared among all. Pastors must take them themselves off the pedestals. This requires a conversation and working together for the kingdom among all in s body. This involves choosing ministries wisely that is churches engaged in, demands placed on members and pastors.
The leadership of our church decided to take on one night a week meals, showers, snd beds for the homeless. They expected small groups to step and provide the meals and volunteers to staff. It didnt happen and the pastors filled in. -
From my perspective, I see that pastors really want to control it all, own it all and manage it all ….until they don’t.
I'm not immune to this, but I experience it far less, personally, than most of the pastors I know. I was asked to become the pastor at a church I had been attending for decades. Both my wife and I already had deep-rooted friendships, and people that were discipling us, and people we were discipling. We had been in a dozen ministries, and a half-dozen small groups. We were very much a known quantity, and there was not an expectation that I would magically turn into a world-class preacher, or singlehandedly save the church.
It is hard to build friendships as a pastor because of the power dynamics. But it's a problem that we have created as a culture by having warped definitions of what a good pastor is. Churches rarely look for leadership internally, the search committee is almost asking for resumes, and listening to a few messages. And potential pastors don't settle in at churches to serve, and wait for the opportunity to lead, they go to where they can get the "best" job, even if it's not healthy for them, and even if the church is unhealthy. As leaders, we have to be willing to examine the ways that we came to where we are, and see if we can make it easier and healthier for the next generation.
This one hits hard. What you describe as a spiritual director for pastors is what some denominations call "bishops." Lower churches, like presbyterianism, in avoiding the dangers of concentrated power, also miss out on someone specifically assigned to care for pastors. We should fix this. As it is, pastors must recruit their own encouragers, among their peers most likely.
It is hard for those friends to be on the Session, even though you would like to be close friends, because of the power dynamics, especially in terms of salary or matters of controversy that might arise. And it is absolutely true that most members don't know how to befriend their pastors (and vice versa). The squeaky wheels tend to be the ones who need the most care themselves. Some do try, and I want to give those members great credit.
As for the role of Social Media, for those of us who are handicapped, it can be a great aid for encouragement - if curated carefully. And yet, I have found the most encouragement from those outside my own denomination, including a Roman Catholic nun who prays for me. Why is that? I am not sure, but in part, I think it is because fewer controversies are involved. We know we are different so don't try to change each other. Whereas, it feels that I am ghosted by those in my denomination don't like my stands on various issues. Many tend to only encourage their own kind. It is VERY isolating - even in basic Christian matters like praying for illness or sorrow. But good to recognize it for what it is.
Pastors need friends - and bishops, of sorts. We need to find them where we can.
Thank you, I should say we have a very good and very kind Session here. I would not have lasted here close to 20 years without that. But still, there is a built-in distance.
Creating a culture of soul friends… That is beautiful. One struggle I’ve always had as a pastor is stressing out every time I can’t be there. And to my shame I’ll admit that it has often been rooted in fear of man. Something along the lines of, “What whispers will this generate in the church that I didn’t visit this person or attend that event?”
Thank you for such a thoughtful post, Aimee! You provided many ideas to chew on but this one sentence resonated in my spirit: The pastor as spiritual director “is not the formulation of something new but the recovery of something original.” Yes! To partner with the Holy Spirit to help people be restored to their original design and live in freedom from captivity was at the heart of Jesus' manifesto. Imagine what could happen if every believer (not just pastors) saw this as part of their own manifesto as well. The ancient ruins and ruined cities could finally be rebuilt as promised in Isaiah 61. This is the work of all God's people.
As someone who wants to see better shepherding and who is training to be a spiritual director, I really love this post. There is this great disconnect between reality and the way we elevate pastors and their inability to be genuine. If we could allow pastors to be human and vulnerable, we’d all be so much healthier I think. I have a heart just for what you describe here. Thanks for voicing it.
Also note that elders are required to be hospitable but I remember a pastor who had a policy of never having parishioners over to his house, apparently to forestall jealousy and the appearance of favoritism. As much as I hate it, one can see how given the system and a largish church full of cranky people, this might be necessary. How far we have fallen! But these men, and American men in particular, they do a lot of it to themselves with their choices.
I find myself whining occasionally that no one calls or invites me to do something, but then God reminds me that I haven't called and invited anyone lately either!
It perplexes me that one would make such a blanket decision of not hosting anyone due to the immaturity of others. A normal part of growing up is learning that some people are closer than others in friendship. And with discipleship as well, Jesus spent more time with some than others.
Aimee, I think about the qualifications for elders in 1 Timothy 3, of the 15 or so qualifications for elders, only one is "able to teach." Especially in Reformed churches, I think that so much emphasis has been placed on the one qualification "able to teach," that the others like "not conceited," "gentle," and "hospitable" are forgotten. I see this as coming from Calvin's mystical view of preaching and the two tiers they find in Ephesians 4. If I were a man who believed that the words I preached, and I alone, were the very words of God, and should be perceived as such, and that I and my fellow leaders were the only ones who "did the work of ministry," then what could that do to my soul? Can pastors willingly or unwittingly become inflated in their own eyes or the eyes of their people to the extent that Christ is obscured? I am fairly confident that neither they nor their people can live well under such a distortion. A pastor once said to me that the most difficult time for him was after he preached a sermon that was well-received and people were coming up to him to thank him. It was so demoralizing to him because he said he knew the sinfulness of his soul and how unworthy he was to be used in such a way. Perhaps our ecclesiology needs more reforming.
Anna, as a pastor in the Reformed tradition who loves preaching, I just want to say that these are excellent observations and questions. Thank you.
Yes to all of this!
My brother was a pastor for years and suffered burnout. Even though he has always remained in relationships with mentors and friends. There is no Biblical example or mandate for the one man pastor/priest model of ministry...they worked in teams of equals and empowered everyone for ministry without a clergy laity divide. Church happened around the dinner table with folks who were thought of as extended family and all the older people helped to disciple ALL the younger ones and new converts into mutual every member ministry, not just special "clergy."
Instead of trying to reinvent the wheel we should get back to original practices. This book might interest you, based in years of experience and in church history.
Reimagining Church: Pursuing the Dream of Organic Christianity https://a.co/d/0eoEyvaN
Thanks for the recommendation, I haven't read that one.
I think if we are honest, we all long for this kind of soul-friendship you talk about—for someone else to recognize the good work that God is already doing in our hearts and lives, and then to be able to do that for others.
We aren’t projects or problems. We are image bearers of our Creator and sometimes we need someone else to remind us of that fact. The Holy Spirit cares more about our restoration than we do and He is always at work. But sometimes He uses others to point it out to us.
I just want to scream yes!!! 💕 Thank you for these words.
Being a senior pastor has been the loneliest season in my life. I love pastoring in itself, but friendship has been almost impossible to navigate.
Man, this shouldn't be so.
I agree. I think it's tied up with all of the things that pastors are expected to be, like you mentioned. Personally, I find it hard to be an organizational leader and manager while also trying to be a spiritual director. It creates a sort of cognitive dissonance in all of my relationships--divided between shepherding and managing.
Yes, Peterson really talks about this cognitive dissonance.
I’ve read a several books of Peterson’s but have either not seen this or have forgotten it. Do you mind sharing where he discusses this? I would like to (re)read it.
Under the Unpredictable Plant
https://amzn.to/460dJNT
I don't think it's one of his more popular ones. I've gotten so much out of it, though! And I just ordered "The Contemplative Pastor," which I think will serve as a good companion to it. I love books written for pastors, is that weird?!
Hi friend. If I may, I’d like to share from a pastor-who-is-also-a-spiritual director’s perspective.
I love that you are highlighting a pastor’s need for anam cara (soul friends). I couldn’t agree more, and I would say all humans need these kinds of friends —those who challenge, guide, inspire, and support spiritually.
I’d like to offer that the formal art of spiritual direction is quite different than friendship, however. Spiritual direction is a unique context in which a wise guide is trained to hold sacred space of deep listening, unconditional positive regard, and selflessly undivided attention. The deep listening in spiritual direction requires being trained to listen to another and to the Spirit at the same time, without offering advice, opinion, one’s own experience, or any form of control. It is the art of loving detachment and intense investment in the inner landscape of another at the same time.
It requires extensive training and supervision for obvious reasons. It’s an ethics-bound vocation.
Pastors may offer this to congregants on an extremely limited basis, but cannot possibly offer this while attending to pastoral care (different than spiritual direction) and building sermons weekly plus their other duties. Likewise, the average person can’t offer this to another without training. We can offer this kind of sacred space to one another sometimes, and it is loving and life giving to do so, but the unique context of spiritual direction is what makes it so powerful, much like a therapeutic relationship.
That being said, my wish is that we could all experience spiritual direction and the powerful healing that comes with it, especially clergy members. Churches should provide reimbursement for this to their pastors as they would receive a deep, rich return on their investment.
Such good points, Amber. What I'm sharing from Peterson's writing is a more limited basis than the professional vocation of Spiritual Director. It would be great for churches to finance this for their pastors.
Yes to churches reimbursing this! Caring for the pastor's soul should be in the budget! (Spiritual direction, counseling, retreats...)
Yes and to expect all soul care to be free borders on cruelty. This work is not done by AI, but by humans who need to provide for their families the same as all people.
Pastors?
“Excruciating Loneliness”
Could this be God...
Trying to Warn these guys...
God, trying to get their Attention...
Causing pastors to question this position...
To research the scriptures about being a pastor...
And realizing NONE of His Disciples had the Title pastor...
And realizing NOT one of His Disciples called themself pastor...
And realizing almost nothing of what todays pastor gets paid to do...
Is in the Bible. Oy Vey!!! :-(
And realizing they do NOT meet the 17+, tough Qualifications...
In 1 Tim 3, and Titus, for elders who desire to be overseers...
And to keep their “Titles,” their Power, Profit Prestige...
They will “Ignore,” or “Twist,” the Qualifications...
But, their conscious keeps convicting them...
And the fear of someone finding out...
They do NOT really Qualify...
Becomes Excruciating...
Loneliness...
———-
John 10:16
And other sheep I have, which are NOT of this fold:
them also I must bring, and they shall “Hear My Voice; “
and there shall be “ONE” fold, and “ONE” shepherd.
One Voice - One Fold - One Shepherd - One Leader
{{{{{{{ Jesus }}}}}}}
As a counselor to pastors, this really resonates. And reminds me of yet another reason I love the Gospel of John and the vision it provides for God’s people in contrast to the development of hierarchy and clericalism in the church: “I do not call you servants anymore, because a servant doesn’t know what his master is doing. I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything I have heard from my Father” (John 15:15). It really is hard to imagine this possibility and what it would take to press in to this paradigm shift. But if Jesus could be friend, a soul friend even, to his disciples, surely it is possible for pastors. I also know it’s possible because I have seen a few pastors practice this kind of healthy friendship with their congregants. But, sadly, they do so knowing it goes against the grain of the advice from their mentors and seminary professors.
Thanks for sharing this, Aaron. I think we have a lot of unpacking to do with that verse and I love the work you are doing in John on this.
Hi
I have to admit that I did not read all the posts on this thread so what I say may have already been said, anyway here goes my thoughts.
First I have to say that I understand this issue from a second and first hand perspective. I mean as second hand because I was an assistant pastor for a few years before become a senior pastor, and first hand having been a senior pastor.
As an assistant my greatest discouragement came from senior leadership not the congregation. The feeling was like ‘we want to use your talents but you need to stay in the background’. Which is okay but I knew God was calling me to something more even if saying that here sounds self-serving. Then when I was asked to leave and subsequently started a church I can wholly agree with the first quote in this post. After many years of that type of behavior I left the pastorate. I did not leave only because of that behavior. Looking back I realize that I allowed the behavior to affect the closeness of my walk with the Lord God Almighty.
Saying all this is not the reason for this post. The reason for this post is to question or to start a discussion about the Scriptural role of leadership in the Church. The Scriptures tell us in Ephesians that Jesus gave gifted people to the church for leadership. In many main stream churches currently the only leadership really talked about is pastors.
It seems to me that the term is used so loosely that we have had to define the rolls by called them the pastor of this and the pastor of that. But what does the Scriptures say? Maybe part of the problem is an incorrect understanding of Scriptural Church leadership.
I have thoughts but I would love to hear yours!
I agree, Sam. There is such a gap between the pastorate and the laity, and the pastorate has taken on so many jobs.
pastoring or shepherding is only one gift among so many but we treat this gift/ call as the highest honor and place of highest authority in the church. I do not believe this is what scripture teaches. If we truly believe a church needed every person and every gift, and function, then surely the demands on the pastor or pastors would be diminished and shared among all. Pastors must take them themselves off the pedestals. This requires a conversation and working together for the kingdom among all in s body. This involves choosing ministries wisely that is churches engaged in, demands placed on members and pastors.
The leadership of our church decided to take on one night a week meals, showers, snd beds for the homeless. They expected small groups to step and provide the meals and volunteers to staff. It didnt happen and the pastors filled in. -
From my perspective, I see that pastors really want to control it all, own it all and manage it all ….until they don’t.
I'm not immune to this, but I experience it far less, personally, than most of the pastors I know. I was asked to become the pastor at a church I had been attending for decades. Both my wife and I already had deep-rooted friendships, and people that were discipling us, and people we were discipling. We had been in a dozen ministries, and a half-dozen small groups. We were very much a known quantity, and there was not an expectation that I would magically turn into a world-class preacher, or singlehandedly save the church.
It is hard to build friendships as a pastor because of the power dynamics. But it's a problem that we have created as a culture by having warped definitions of what a good pastor is. Churches rarely look for leadership internally, the search committee is almost asking for resumes, and listening to a few messages. And potential pastors don't settle in at churches to serve, and wait for the opportunity to lead, they go to where they can get the "best" job, even if it's not healthy for them, and even if the church is unhealthy. As leaders, we have to be willing to examine the ways that we came to where we are, and see if we can make it easier and healthier for the next generation.
Yes, there is so much examination we need to do of our church cultures. You make some good points, thanks for sharing Nate.
This one hits hard. What you describe as a spiritual director for pastors is what some denominations call "bishops." Lower churches, like presbyterianism, in avoiding the dangers of concentrated power, also miss out on someone specifically assigned to care for pastors. We should fix this. As it is, pastors must recruit their own encouragers, among their peers most likely.
It is hard for those friends to be on the Session, even though you would like to be close friends, because of the power dynamics, especially in terms of salary or matters of controversy that might arise. And it is absolutely true that most members don't know how to befriend their pastors (and vice versa). The squeaky wheels tend to be the ones who need the most care themselves. Some do try, and I want to give those members great credit.
As for the role of Social Media, for those of us who are handicapped, it can be a great aid for encouragement - if curated carefully. And yet, I have found the most encouragement from those outside my own denomination, including a Roman Catholic nun who prays for me. Why is that? I am not sure, but in part, I think it is because fewer controversies are involved. We know we are different so don't try to change each other. Whereas, it feels that I am ghosted by those in my denomination don't like my stands on various issues. Many tend to only encourage their own kind. It is VERY isolating - even in basic Christian matters like praying for illness or sorrow. But good to recognize it for what it is.
Pastors need friends - and bishops, of sorts. We need to find them where we can.
Yes, I've seen how tense relationships can be within a session.
I resonate with what you are saying about the care and freedom in friendship cross-denominationally, Chris.
Thank you, I should say we have a very good and very kind Session here. I would not have lasted here close to 20 years without that. But still, there is a built-in distance.
This names some of the reasons I had no desire, as a recent MDiv graduate to seek a pastoral role.
Man, that is a word. A very sad one, but it speaks loudly to our current condition.
Indeed it does.
Creating a culture of soul friends… That is beautiful. One struggle I’ve always had as a pastor is stressing out every time I can’t be there. And to my shame I’ll admit that it has often been rooted in fear of man. Something along the lines of, “What whispers will this generate in the church that I didn’t visit this person or attend that event?”
I'm sure that is a difficult battle in the mind and soul. Bu think of the gift you give in equipping the laypeople in one anothering.
Thank you for such a thoughtful post, Aimee! You provided many ideas to chew on but this one sentence resonated in my spirit: The pastor as spiritual director “is not the formulation of something new but the recovery of something original.” Yes! To partner with the Holy Spirit to help people be restored to their original design and live in freedom from captivity was at the heart of Jesus' manifesto. Imagine what could happen if every believer (not just pastors) saw this as part of their own manifesto as well. The ancient ruins and ruined cities could finally be rebuilt as promised in Isaiah 61. This is the work of all God's people.
As someone who wants to see better shepherding and who is training to be a spiritual director, I really love this post. There is this great disconnect between reality and the way we elevate pastors and their inability to be genuine. If we could allow pastors to be human and vulnerable, we’d all be so much healthier I think. I have a heart just for what you describe here. Thanks for voicing it.
Thanks for your comment, Jamie.
Also note that elders are required to be hospitable but I remember a pastor who had a policy of never having parishioners over to his house, apparently to forestall jealousy and the appearance of favoritism. As much as I hate it, one can see how given the system and a largish church full of cranky people, this might be necessary. How far we have fallen! But these men, and American men in particular, they do a lot of it to themselves with their choices.
I find myself whining occasionally that no one calls or invites me to do something, but then God reminds me that I haven't called and invited anyone lately either!
It perplexes me that one would make such a blanket decision of not hosting anyone due to the immaturity of others. A normal part of growing up is learning that some people are closer than others in friendship. And with discipleship as well, Jesus spent more time with some than others.