Let’s talk about it. We are all carrying a bag. A long, heavy, pretend-it’s-invisible bag. Poet Robert Bly has A Little Book on the Human Shadow, explaining it to us. He’s building off Carl Jung’s work on the shadow self, but in a way poets can. He gives us the metaphor.
So what did Jesus say to Peter? 'Simon, do you agape me more than these'? Peter replies 'Yes, Lord; you know that I am your friend (phileo). Jesus responds--'Tend My Lambs'.
You know the two repeats. Jesus is opening the bag, and showing us how to open the bag for one another. And we really need to do that.
I closed a bag off, when I left home; opened it when I thought it was safe to do so, in my late thirties. Discovered it wasn't safe; the place i thought there was safety, I was wrong about...and so I learned how much we need to have safe places, to open our bags, and do what God has shown us we can do for one another; help each other grapple with the realities of life; the wounds we have, the baggage we carry; bringing things out into the Light, together, where it's safe to grapple with them, and figure out how to overcome them, through the Victory we have in Jesus life, death and Resurrection.
So many today carry around bags with really heavy weights in them; that are hard to drag through life.
We need to let the light of Jesus and His Love, shine through us; to one another. And we can do that even from a distance, at times; but we all need a local part of the body, a faith community intent on knowing Jesus more fully and being alive in our union with Him, to one another.
It's difficult to build the depth of relationships necessary to be able to have a place we can open our bags, and truly 'share our burdens' that we are dragging around, in ways that lighten them. in my (late) thirties, after that bag was unzipped and I saw what was in it, I spent a couple years learning how to 'deal with what's in the bag'; in a group that fostered intentional community-and that understood what can truly help us. There was unconditional love that shone brightest; and in the bright light of unconditional love; a freedom to take things out of the bag, and honestly hold them up in the light and say 'I've been carrying this around, and I don't know what to do with it, or how to get rid of it'; and the community worked on the basis of that kind of 'processing', that involved a kind of 'confession' that didn't rush past it in ways that simply rezipped the bag, hiding what had just been disclosed; and then doing it all over again the next week. In that small family of people committed to helping one another, what was in the bag was brought out as fully as possible into the light shining with unconditional acceptance, so that it could be seen, grappled with, and over time, dealt with.
That taught me what REAL 'confession' is when we 'miss the mark'. I've found a few people over time, who are safe people with whom I can do this.
I wish the church understood the real power of that process I learned, and how to function as a true community; that two years in an al-anon group, taught me how to deal with these bags we carry; but doing so requires a community that understands the depth and richness of the unconditional love and grace of God, and the power of the true Gospel, to bring us real change and vibrant life, together.
That's not easy to find today; but it can be built; if people are willing to learn how.
Sadly, we have not only our own bags we drag behind us, but one with a branding on it; the one we are handed when we join a faith community, with their specific brand of amercan christianity. We have chosen to carry a common bag with us (even ones that are plain looking, still have the brand 'non-denominational' on it). they come with baggage already in them...though we can add our own items to these bags, too. We quickly sling them over our shoulder, and and don't really think much about, unless something happens that forces us to realize we are carrying it.
The branded bag I carried had mulitiple brands on it; 'evangelical', 'reformed', a particular denomination, as well; it had some very heavy items in it. You unzipped the bag, and handed me an item in it, when you wrote the book: 'why can't we be friends?'. I read the title; and I thought-hmm-that's interesting. It wasn't a judgemental question; it was a light shining question.
I have had a lot of women friends, over my life; some of my best friends have been women. The question, 'why can't we be friends' opened that community bag wider-and brought out a number of other things in it that I had little idea I was carrying around.
Some people are gifted to us, who are 'unzippers' or carry flashlights that shine into our bags, lighting something in them so we can see it plainly. or they are unlatchers, maybe: people who ask questions that unzip or unlatch the bags we carry-exposing some of the contents that are on the top of the bag to the light-maybe lifting them up where we can see them. Or they say something and we realize that we are burdened-that there's this bag that is weighing us down.
You, Aimee, do this, and did this; and shone shone a bright light all the way to the bottom of a lot of the bags with the 'evangelical' and 'reformed' brandings on them... And what was in the bags, around that simple question: 'why can't we be friends', is slowly being brought out into the light and grappled with. And there are many others who are unzipping and unlatching bags, and bringing what we carry out into the light.
We need friends we can open our bags with, and grapple with the contents with; who love us enough to help us with this task; it's called 'bearing one another's burdens' and something we need to learn to do, again.. We need friends. men and women friends. we're different enough that we can see things easier, 'outside our parameters', at times. But we can learn to step back and gain objectivity about ourselves, too. If we have friends who are willing to help us process what we've experienced in life, and face the baggage we carry.
How do we build such friendships? That's a larger answer than fits in a comment. but one well worth thinking about. Friendship builds around common interests and 'passions' (maybe there's a better word, but it captures something important to a life worth living shared with others). Friendships build when we seek to focus on what we share in common, and expand it, as Paul guides to do in many of his letters. It grows when we simply take time to do what Aimee has been focussing on, listen to one another, and do so in a way that doesn't condemn, but loves. We can do what Jesus did with Peter-opened the bag, and helped Peter grapple with what was in it, shining a light that reminded Peter of the purpose He gave to him that was still in effect: 'tend my lambs' was Peter's already given mission, from Jesus; and that mandate was unchanged by what Peter had been carrying for a long time. Interesting to note; that Jesus addressed a problem but it came back, and Paul had to speak to it later. But Peter eventually learned enough to share what he learned, instructing elders not to 'lord it over' others; but to be servants who love, who lead by example in ministering to others.
I'm so sorry you were 'lorded over' so badly, Aimee... it was wrong.. and yet how much light God has brought to shine into a place of darkness; through your testimony as you walked faithfully with Him through a hard set of trials... that showed the veracity of the faith He gifted you with.
I appreciate your insights, my distant friend...
God sustain you and be with you in your walk of love in life, sister in Christ Jesus,
"Jesus immediately does some bag inventory at this resurrection breakfast—so he can restore him. To him. But also to Peter." Beautiful, Amy. I don't remember thinking of Peter's restoration this way. Don't we all need restoring to our truest selves? I hear the gentle, relentless love of Jesus here + I tell you, I needed to hear this very thing. Thank you 🫶✨.
I have a bag filled with shadows, memories, and mosaic pieces that I am currently unpacking with the help of my old diaries. This process is part of my mission to help others who were part of the same church system I was in. I want them to understand that the teachings and beliefs we were given were different from the true nature of God. We were taught that salvation was only for the elect and that almost no one would be saved. However, I have come to realize that God is merciful and salvation is indeed possible for many.
This journey of unpacking my bag is deeply emotional for me. Sometimes, I find myself crying as I go through these shadows and memories because it brings back parts of a past that feels almost like a different reality. It’s something from which I have been freed, including the restrictive views on men and women that I once held. Now, I aim to share my experiences and insights with caution and a touch of humor. By doing so, I hope to offer a new perspective to those still entrenched in the old beliefs and help them see the broader, more inclusive nature of God's love and mercy.
At my church, I've been told a couple of times that I have baggage. The implication being that I should be able to drop it and start fresh at my new church without judgement.
I finally examined that argument, and realized that it's not baggage, it's scars and wounds, and it's the way I've been shaped by my pain.
I also realized that, since I have been on so many more church hunts than they have, that no church is completely unique. There are patterns, commonalities, repeated structures and processes and assumptions. I've seen it all before, I know how it goes.
They think I'm bitter and that it's a problem with me that I keep having to change churches. They seem to have no idea that so many churches could have so much in common.
I'm so sorry, Bethany. You need to be a place that will sit with your wounds and hear your story with patience and empathy. It's such a basic part of trauma informed care: to take the responsibility to be a person who is trustworthy.
Thankfully there are also people like that at my church. And it's a new church, so not as much set in stone. We have plans for me to share my story with our small group. It's possible that sharing my story will make space for others to share theirs. That would feel so redemptive of my pain.
So what did Jesus say to Peter? 'Simon, do you agape me more than these'? Peter replies 'Yes, Lord; you know that I am your friend (phileo). Jesus responds--'Tend My Lambs'.
You know the two repeats. Jesus is opening the bag, and showing us how to open the bag for one another. And we really need to do that.
I closed a bag off, when I left home; opened it when I thought it was safe to do so, in my late thirties. Discovered it wasn't safe; the place i thought there was safety, I was wrong about...and so I learned how much we need to have safe places, to open our bags, and do what God has shown us we can do for one another; help each other grapple with the realities of life; the wounds we have, the baggage we carry; bringing things out into the Light, together, where it's safe to grapple with them, and figure out how to overcome them, through the Victory we have in Jesus life, death and Resurrection.
So many today carry around bags with really heavy weights in them; that are hard to drag through life.
We need to let the light of Jesus and His Love, shine through us; to one another. And we can do that even from a distance, at times; but we all need a local part of the body, a faith community intent on knowing Jesus more fully and being alive in our union with Him, to one another.
It's difficult to build the depth of relationships necessary to be able to have a place we can open our bags, and truly 'share our burdens' that we are dragging around, in ways that lighten them. in my (late) thirties, after that bag was unzipped and I saw what was in it, I spent a couple years learning how to 'deal with what's in the bag'; in a group that fostered intentional community-and that understood what can truly help us. There was unconditional love that shone brightest; and in the bright light of unconditional love; a freedom to take things out of the bag, and honestly hold them up in the light and say 'I've been carrying this around, and I don't know what to do with it, or how to get rid of it'; and the community worked on the basis of that kind of 'processing', that involved a kind of 'confession' that didn't rush past it in ways that simply rezipped the bag, hiding what had just been disclosed; and then doing it all over again the next week. In that small family of people committed to helping one another, what was in the bag was brought out as fully as possible into the light shining with unconditional acceptance, so that it could be seen, grappled with, and over time, dealt with.
That taught me what REAL 'confession' is when we 'miss the mark'. I've found a few people over time, who are safe people with whom I can do this.
I wish the church understood the real power of that process I learned, and how to function as a true community; that two years in an al-anon group, taught me how to deal with these bags we carry; but doing so requires a community that understands the depth and richness of the unconditional love and grace of God, and the power of the true Gospel, to bring us real change and vibrant life, together.
That's not easy to find today; but it can be built; if people are willing to learn how.
Sadly, we have not only our own bags we drag behind us, but one with a branding on it; the one we are handed when we join a faith community, with their specific brand of amercan christianity. We have chosen to carry a common bag with us (even ones that are plain looking, still have the brand 'non-denominational' on it). they come with baggage already in them...though we can add our own items to these bags, too. We quickly sling them over our shoulder, and and don't really think much about, unless something happens that forces us to realize we are carrying it.
The branded bag I carried had mulitiple brands on it; 'evangelical', 'reformed', a particular denomination, as well; it had some very heavy items in it. You unzipped the bag, and handed me an item in it, when you wrote the book: 'why can't we be friends?'. I read the title; and I thought-hmm-that's interesting. It wasn't a judgemental question; it was a light shining question.
I have had a lot of women friends, over my life; some of my best friends have been women. The question, 'why can't we be friends' opened that community bag wider-and brought out a number of other things in it that I had little idea I was carrying around.
Some people are gifted to us, who are 'unzippers' or carry flashlights that shine into our bags, lighting something in them so we can see it plainly. or they are unlatchers, maybe: people who ask questions that unzip or unlatch the bags we carry-exposing some of the contents that are on the top of the bag to the light-maybe lifting them up where we can see them. Or they say something and we realize that we are burdened-that there's this bag that is weighing us down.
You, Aimee, do this, and did this; and shone shone a bright light all the way to the bottom of a lot of the bags with the 'evangelical' and 'reformed' brandings on them... And what was in the bags, around that simple question: 'why can't we be friends', is slowly being brought out into the light and grappled with. And there are many others who are unzipping and unlatching bags, and bringing what we carry out into the light.
We need friends we can open our bags with, and grapple with the contents with; who love us enough to help us with this task; it's called 'bearing one another's burdens' and something we need to learn to do, again.. We need friends. men and women friends. we're different enough that we can see things easier, 'outside our parameters', at times. But we can learn to step back and gain objectivity about ourselves, too. If we have friends who are willing to help us process what we've experienced in life, and face the baggage we carry.
How do we build such friendships? That's a larger answer than fits in a comment. but one well worth thinking about. Friendship builds around common interests and 'passions' (maybe there's a better word, but it captures something important to a life worth living shared with others). Friendships build when we seek to focus on what we share in common, and expand it, as Paul guides to do in many of his letters. It grows when we simply take time to do what Aimee has been focussing on, listen to one another, and do so in a way that doesn't condemn, but loves. We can do what Jesus did with Peter-opened the bag, and helped Peter grapple with what was in it, shining a light that reminded Peter of the purpose He gave to him that was still in effect: 'tend my lambs' was Peter's already given mission, from Jesus; and that mandate was unchanged by what Peter had been carrying for a long time. Interesting to note; that Jesus addressed a problem but it came back, and Paul had to speak to it later. But Peter eventually learned enough to share what he learned, instructing elders not to 'lord it over' others; but to be servants who love, who lead by example in ministering to others.
I'm so sorry you were 'lorded over' so badly, Aimee... it was wrong.. and yet how much light God has brought to shine into a place of darkness; through your testimony as you walked faithfully with Him through a hard set of trials... that showed the veracity of the faith He gifted you with.
I appreciate your insights, my distant friend...
God sustain you and be with you in your walk of love in life, sister in Christ Jesus,
Bill
Thank you for sharing this, Bill. Yes, so much of this is about friendship!
"Jesus immediately does some bag inventory at this resurrection breakfast—so he can restore him. To him. But also to Peter." Beautiful, Amy. I don't remember thinking of Peter's restoration this way. Don't we all need restoring to our truest selves? I hear the gentle, relentless love of Jesus here + I tell you, I needed to hear this very thing. Thank you 🫶✨.
I'm so glad to give you a timely word of encouragement!
Also...Aimee, not Amy 🤦🤦🤦. I'm Debby not Debbie, so I try to be careful 😊. Names matter. Sorry about that! 🫶✨
Aw, thank you and no worries, Debby.
I have a bag filled with shadows, memories, and mosaic pieces that I am currently unpacking with the help of my old diaries. This process is part of my mission to help others who were part of the same church system I was in. I want them to understand that the teachings and beliefs we were given were different from the true nature of God. We were taught that salvation was only for the elect and that almost no one would be saved. However, I have come to realize that God is merciful and salvation is indeed possible for many.
This journey of unpacking my bag is deeply emotional for me. Sometimes, I find myself crying as I go through these shadows and memories because it brings back parts of a past that feels almost like a different reality. It’s something from which I have been freed, including the restrictive views on men and women that I once held. Now, I aim to share my experiences and insights with caution and a touch of humor. By doing so, I hope to offer a new perspective to those still entrenched in the old beliefs and help them see the broader, more inclusive nature of God's love and mercy.
Thank you for this article
Thank you for sharing this, Rita. I'm so glad you are free from that. But unpacking our bags is some serious emotional work!
Celebrate Recovery is very much dedicated to solving what you describe.
At my church, I've been told a couple of times that I have baggage. The implication being that I should be able to drop it and start fresh at my new church without judgement.
I finally examined that argument, and realized that it's not baggage, it's scars and wounds, and it's the way I've been shaped by my pain.
I also realized that, since I have been on so many more church hunts than they have, that no church is completely unique. There are patterns, commonalities, repeated structures and processes and assumptions. I've seen it all before, I know how it goes.
They think I'm bitter and that it's a problem with me that I keep having to change churches. They seem to have no idea that so many churches could have so much in common.
I'm so sorry, Bethany. You need to be a place that will sit with your wounds and hear your story with patience and empathy. It's such a basic part of trauma informed care: to take the responsibility to be a person who is trustworthy.
Thankfully there are also people like that at my church. And it's a new church, so not as much set in stone. We have plans for me to share my story with our small group. It's possible that sharing my story will make space for others to share theirs. That would feel so redemptive of my pain.