I’ve always loved hidden doors. I don’t know why, or if I’ve ever even seen a real one. One day, I want one in my house. Growing up, there was a mini door in my bedroom that led to the attic above the garage. That door was both curiously inviting and terrifying. What if there was a hider in my house? That is exactly where they would secretly live. Waiting for me to leave my room before they came outside for their other life. Waiting for me to go to sleep, possibly watching in wonder over how fragile breath and life is, watching me lying there dreaming unaware. It was the door that you dare your friends to open and walk through as a token of courage. The mystery is there, maybe stronger than our fears today.
Love this, Aimee! In my time in Christian academia I found studying seemed to create more space for imagination and less certainty. I grew up in the PCA, and I recall that tribe having a lock on “certainty.” The tradition I’m in now places a lot more emphasis on spiritual practices. It creates room for discovering the activity of God.
I preached on the call of Levi on Sunday, where Jesus feasts with tax collectors and “notorious sinners.” It made me ponder this morning: As a pastor, am I willing to feast with tax collectors and “notorious sinners”? Am I likely to get invited to those feasts? I pray it would be so, because all of us need Jesus at our table. And we need to remember our tendency to be notorious sinners as well.
God invites us through the door and into deeper relationship with him. We dare not limit God with our “certainty.” I recall attending a general assembly as a child (my dad was an elder) and my mom made a comment after hearing a speaker like: “I wonder if these men are a little too certain they know the mind of God. There’s a danger in that.” I’ve never forgotten her comment, though it scandalized me at the time.
Sounds like your mom is a discerning woman. I was definitely in that culture of certainty and gatekeeping. I enjoy following your reflections on pastoring, Laura, bringing that space for imagination into the lives of church.
I think a lot of it stems from our need to feel secure. And we trick ourselves so easily into thinking that we can have that in our "rightness," which can so easily turn into managing God and the way he relates to others.
Hidden doors are so intriguing, but it takes courage to go through them! I suspect this is why I love the Narnia stories so much. Jesus's "I AM the Door" is an invitation to a new and mysterious world, but it's a place where everything will finally make sense.
When I was in seminary for my MFT degree, we were required to take a class in Spiritual Development. My intellectual formation in reformed theology helped me get advanced standing in all the required theology classes, but this class was part of our training, so I had to take it. I'm so glad I did! It was the door to a new world of spiritual formation, experiential Christianity that reminded me that ALL of me belongs to God and that I have a relationship with Him based on so much more than just knowing the right theology.
Since then, I have found a spiritual director who helps me bring my attention back to my connection to God. I am learning to slow down and be with Him rather than seeing Him as something on my to-do list. I am learning to truly rest in Him. I am learning to appreciate His love and beauty as well as His holiness. I am learning to stop viewing everything in black and white categories but to find resolution in His mysterious three-in-one unity.
I'm starting a two-year program later this summer on group spiritual formation, and I'm so excited about this door opening up new possibilities for my work and ministry. Further up and further in!
Aimee, I think I'm understanding you more everytime I read you. A bit cryptic still, but that is what makes it worth it. The mystery of the heart is nuanced and best expressed in poetry and song.
One thing I have desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in his temple”.
Ps 27:4 the desire I have had all my life. Through thick and sin.
Thank you for sharing your heart as difficult as it may be to understand.
I woke up fearful today, but I got out of bed 10 minutes before the alarm anyway.
I read chapter 13 of 1 Corinthians in my Bible reading with my cup of coffee and wondered if I have self-sacrificing love in me, knowing that I do because this Love lives in me, but not really feeling it in my well-worn flesh where I shouldn't be seeking it anyway . . . but I often do.
Then I read this post, and I felt encouraged to be "a door opener."
Indeed it does. But we mustn’t let it win. You, Brother Isaiah, Eugene Peterson, and Jesus all inspired my own post this morning! Thank you again! https://themjkxn.substack.com/p/thirsty
"Having a courage and longing for the mystery that is greater than my fear." Well said. And yes, hearing from God can be a challenge for me as well. Samuel had to learn to hear from Him, then became quite good at it. And Elijah heard it even as a gentle whisper. I've come to see imagination as creating with God. When I write, I don't believe I create this stuff. I look at it and think "I could never have come up with that." Whatever our creative expression, or door opening, it seems a collaboration to me.
I definitely have wished to find these pastoral people in my life (thankfully, eventually through therapy) but I had always hoped for a pastor. I think you hit it right on the nose about how ministry lacks imagination, teaching is designed for a different purpose that spiritual direction. I wonder if this has to do with a lack of valuing the different graces, the Western Church often rallies around teachers, the whole service is often around them. The apostolic gift requires a lot of imagination too, but for a different purpose. Not I'm just talking... Thank you.
Yes, good thoughts. And it's sad how teaching is often boiled down to how much knowledge one has or the ability to give information. The church needs leaders who can distinguish false teaching and equip the saints, yes. But there's also an art to it. Jesus provoked our imaginations. And now it seems the role of spiritual direction is something people seek and are trained in vocation to be outside of the church. I know a number of seminary professors who benefit from having a spiritual director. And I also know a spiritual director (with a PhD) who is very good at it. There is a need, and now people are seeking it outside the church. I guess I have a lot of questions about the vocation of pastor, and even lay ministry and Christian friendship. There are multiple layers to address in this. One thing I am glad to be away from now is the typical three-point sermon. My pastor does provoke our imagination and I love that.
I love this, Aimee!! I have always loved the imaginative apologetics of C. S. Lewis, but had never really thought in this way!! It has opened a door for me!
Love this, Aimee! In my time in Christian academia I found studying seemed to create more space for imagination and less certainty. I grew up in the PCA, and I recall that tribe having a lock on “certainty.” The tradition I’m in now places a lot more emphasis on spiritual practices. It creates room for discovering the activity of God.
I preached on the call of Levi on Sunday, where Jesus feasts with tax collectors and “notorious sinners.” It made me ponder this morning: As a pastor, am I willing to feast with tax collectors and “notorious sinners”? Am I likely to get invited to those feasts? I pray it would be so, because all of us need Jesus at our table. And we need to remember our tendency to be notorious sinners as well.
God invites us through the door and into deeper relationship with him. We dare not limit God with our “certainty.” I recall attending a general assembly as a child (my dad was an elder) and my mom made a comment after hearing a speaker like: “I wonder if these men are a little too certain they know the mind of God. There’s a danger in that.” I’ve never forgotten her comment, though it scandalized me at the time.
Sounds like your mom is a discerning woman. I was definitely in that culture of certainty and gatekeeping. I enjoy following your reflections on pastoring, Laura, bringing that space for imagination into the lives of church.
I have mostly been in “reformed” spaces and you’re right on about the emphasis on certainty. “The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty.”
I think a lot of it stems from our need to feel secure. And we trick ourselves so easily into thinking that we can have that in our "rightness," which can so easily turn into managing God and the way he relates to others.
Hidden doors are so intriguing, but it takes courage to go through them! I suspect this is why I love the Narnia stories so much. Jesus's "I AM the Door" is an invitation to a new and mysterious world, but it's a place where everything will finally make sense.
When I was in seminary for my MFT degree, we were required to take a class in Spiritual Development. My intellectual formation in reformed theology helped me get advanced standing in all the required theology classes, but this class was part of our training, so I had to take it. I'm so glad I did! It was the door to a new world of spiritual formation, experiential Christianity that reminded me that ALL of me belongs to God and that I have a relationship with Him based on so much more than just knowing the right theology.
Since then, I have found a spiritual director who helps me bring my attention back to my connection to God. I am learning to slow down and be with Him rather than seeing Him as something on my to-do list. I am learning to truly rest in Him. I am learning to appreciate His love and beauty as well as His holiness. I am learning to stop viewing everything in black and white categories but to find resolution in His mysterious three-in-one unity.
I'm starting a two-year program later this summer on group spiritual formation, and I'm so excited about this door opening up new possibilities for my work and ministry. Further up and further in!
Your group spiritual formation program sounds fabulous, Carmon!
Aimee, I think I'm understanding you more everytime I read you. A bit cryptic still, but that is what makes it worth it. The mystery of the heart is nuanced and best expressed in poetry and song.
One thing I have desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in his temple”.
Ps 27:4 the desire I have had all my life. Through thick and sin.
Thank you for sharing your heart as difficult as it may be to understand.
I love that verse, it really provokes the imagination!
I woke up fearful today, but I got out of bed 10 minutes before the alarm anyway.
I read chapter 13 of 1 Corinthians in my Bible reading with my cup of coffee and wondered if I have self-sacrificing love in me, knowing that I do because this Love lives in me, but not really feeling it in my well-worn flesh where I shouldn't be seeking it anyway . . . but I often do.
Then I read this post, and I felt encouraged to be "a door opener."
Thank you.
Thanks for including me in your morning routine, Majik! Fear tries hard to stunt our imagination, doesn't it?
Indeed it does. But we mustn’t let it win. You, Brother Isaiah, Eugene Peterson, and Jesus all inspired my own post this morning! Thank you again! https://themjkxn.substack.com/p/thirsty
I love this perspective and am growing toward it. Thank you.
"Having a courage and longing for the mystery that is greater than my fear." Well said. And yes, hearing from God can be a challenge for me as well. Samuel had to learn to hear from Him, then became quite good at it. And Elijah heard it even as a gentle whisper. I've come to see imagination as creating with God. When I write, I don't believe I create this stuff. I look at it and think "I could never have come up with that." Whatever our creative expression, or door opening, it seems a collaboration to me.
It is such a wonder at how God delights in collaborating with us! And we see it right in the beginning with Adam naming the animals.
I definitely have wished to find these pastoral people in my life (thankfully, eventually through therapy) but I had always hoped for a pastor. I think you hit it right on the nose about how ministry lacks imagination, teaching is designed for a different purpose that spiritual direction. I wonder if this has to do with a lack of valuing the different graces, the Western Church often rallies around teachers, the whole service is often around them. The apostolic gift requires a lot of imagination too, but for a different purpose. Not I'm just talking... Thank you.
Yes, good thoughts. And it's sad how teaching is often boiled down to how much knowledge one has or the ability to give information. The church needs leaders who can distinguish false teaching and equip the saints, yes. But there's also an art to it. Jesus provoked our imaginations. And now it seems the role of spiritual direction is something people seek and are trained in vocation to be outside of the church. I know a number of seminary professors who benefit from having a spiritual director. And I also know a spiritual director (with a PhD) who is very good at it. There is a need, and now people are seeking it outside the church. I guess I have a lot of questions about the vocation of pastor, and even lay ministry and Christian friendship. There are multiple layers to address in this. One thing I am glad to be away from now is the typical three-point sermon. My pastor does provoke our imagination and I love that.
I love this, Aimee!! I have always loved the imaginative apologetics of C. S. Lewis, but had never really thought in this way!! It has opened a door for me!
Thank you for sharing, Stan!