Sometimes I feel like the kid walking into the lunchroom looking for a place to sit and the kids already sitting with their friends are avoiding eye contact with me. Then I see that one group of kids who didn’t get asked to sit at the cool table. They wave me to an open seat to join their group for lunch. Sometimes now I even get to be the one inviting a person to come sit with us at lunch.
And for anyone who’s looking for a seat at lunch, you can always join us at our table.
I so appreciate that you are sharing your journey and expressing it so beautifully. I can identify with the rawness, the bereft-ness, the longing. I had to leave our church of 12 years due to a polluted culture and spiritual abuse; never saw it coming. We still have close family and friends who attend. It is very hard to navigate, yet God miraculously brought us to a new fellowship where there has been much healing. I am praying that you would find a similar place, in His good time. My own experience forced me to learn in a much deeper way what it means to rely on Christ alone, as expressed in the great hymn, “My hope is built on nothing less.” Keep the faith, Aimee, and please keep sharing the steps of your journey. It is good to know that those of us who have wandered in search of godliness are not alone.
Ooof, this is good. I am still grieving the choices/behavior that forced a before and an after in my work life. Oh how I wish it had gone down differently.
But I guess it’s time to accept it. And literally the word resurrection has been showing up everywhere today (and it’s not even Easter 😜) so I guess it’s time for me to be open to looking around all these tombs.
This was lovely. And totally relatable, as all these posts have been. Thank you.
The rector of our church shared an illustration this Sunday from LOTR, where the hobbits ask Treebeard whose side he is on, and Treebeard replies he’s not fully on any one’s side because no one is fully on his. We’d all like to think we(and all our opinions) are fully on Jesus’ side and Jesus(naturally) is fully on ours because we’ve got everything down pat and correct.
It’s humbling to realize how many years my husband and I dogmatically thought we had all the “biblical “ answers and even taught others. So grateful for the mercy and grace of God.
Thanks for this, Aimee! Jesus hangs out in those liminal spaces...I pray that we all have our eyes opened to him, like those who unknowingly walked with him on the road to Emmaus. ❤️
That's potent stuff. I'm in such a space now, never having thought I would be. After taking on our large church's college ministry 8 yrs ago we (wife and I) felt on top of the world, and like the sky was the limit. My how the years of Trump and COVOD have changed things. As a guy whose hobby is theology and biblical languages this has had some unintended consequences. I'm still mostly conservative theologically. But I guess I used to give conservative evangelical guys the "benefit of the doubt". Now it's like I can't. If I pick up a commentary by a guy who did a PhD at SBTS or RTS I find myself thinking, " eh this guy probably isn't on par with Matt Novenson or Paula Fredriksen"... Honestly I don't like that. :(
Anyway thanks for your writing and putting yourself out there. Liminal spaces aren't always great. But I suppose they're less bad when you know others are there too.
Wow! Thank you, again, for putting words to my thoughts and emotions.
As I sit at home on a Wednesday night when I’ve spent the previous 43 years AT church on Wednesday nights...this idea of thanking God for the liminal spaces is heartbreaking and refreshing, all at the same time.
Thank you for reminding me we’re not alone on the journey.
You’re a little younger than me Aimee, and I too never expected to be residing in a similar place. I love the description of liminal, a place of transition, a scary place, one brought about by deep roots of, for a long time, unnoticed pain, a refining by a fire we didn’t see. And yet, we hold to Hope and Trust, for He who began a good work will see it through to completion.
But seriously, Aimee, are you on your way in or on your way out?
I did two things before reading my Bible this morning; I listened to Frank Schaeffer, and I read your post. I'm not too terribly familiar with your life's story other than the last couple of posts of yours that I've read, but I'm very familiar with Frank's story and his view of things, especially things "Evangelical." Frank left Evangelicalism and slammed the door behind him so hard that it made the walls shake. You and your writing seem quieter to me. But I can't tell yet whether you are coming or going. I'm a little betwixt and between myself, and although I still call myself an "Evangelical," there's probably a lot of my Brothers and Sisters who wish that I wouldn't. Oh well, to quote Bob Dylan . . . https://themjkxn.substack.com/p/everybody-must-get-stoned
Well, Aimee, it seems that you stirred up a hornets' nest for sure . . . or bumped into one. I don't know enough details to have an opinion which it was. Your books have interesting titles, and one of these days I may read one or more of them. "The Sexual Reformation" would be a good one to start with, but I can't make any promises because in just this last month, I've purchased four good books that I haven't even glanced at yet. They just sit there in a stack beside my computer. I was going to add, "mocking me," but that's just my own projection, huh? They're just books, inanimate objects. They don't think or feel anything, least of all disdain. Thank God!
Sometimes I feel like the kid walking into the lunchroom looking for a place to sit and the kids already sitting with their friends are avoiding eye contact with me. Then I see that one group of kids who didn’t get asked to sit at the cool table. They wave me to an open seat to join their group for lunch. Sometimes now I even get to be the one inviting a person to come sit with us at lunch.
And for anyone who’s looking for a seat at lunch, you can always join us at our table.
The misfits are often the ones that are most in touch with themselves and others around them.
Misfits of my childhood:
https://dollsmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/adollforSuewithothertoys.jpg
In addition to having stuff worth saying, you are a crafter of prose that is beautiful.
Thank you, Sandra.
I so appreciate that you are sharing your journey and expressing it so beautifully. I can identify with the rawness, the bereft-ness, the longing. I had to leave our church of 12 years due to a polluted culture and spiritual abuse; never saw it coming. We still have close family and friends who attend. It is very hard to navigate, yet God miraculously brought us to a new fellowship where there has been much healing. I am praying that you would find a similar place, in His good time. My own experience forced me to learn in a much deeper way what it means to rely on Christ alone, as expressed in the great hymn, “My hope is built on nothing less.” Keep the faith, Aimee, and please keep sharing the steps of your journey. It is good to know that those of us who have wandered in search of godliness are not alone.
Thank you for the encouragement, Bonnie.
Ooof, this is good. I am still grieving the choices/behavior that forced a before and an after in my work life. Oh how I wish it had gone down differently.
But I guess it’s time to accept it. And literally the word resurrection has been showing up everywhere today (and it’s not even Easter 😜) so I guess it’s time for me to be open to looking around all these tombs.
With you. ♥️
This was lovely. And totally relatable, as all these posts have been. Thank you.
The rector of our church shared an illustration this Sunday from LOTR, where the hobbits ask Treebeard whose side he is on, and Treebeard replies he’s not fully on any one’s side because no one is fully on his. We’d all like to think we(and all our opinions) are fully on Jesus’ side and Jesus(naturally) is fully on ours because we’ve got everything down pat and correct.
It’s humbling to realize how many years my husband and I dogmatically thought we had all the “biblical “ answers and even taught others. So grateful for the mercy and grace of God.
Thanks for this, Aimee! Jesus hangs out in those liminal spaces...I pray that we all have our eyes opened to him, like those who unknowingly walked with him on the road to Emmaus. ❤️
It would be great to fellowship with the Byrd family as well as all that gather together with you and worship our God
That's potent stuff. I'm in such a space now, never having thought I would be. After taking on our large church's college ministry 8 yrs ago we (wife and I) felt on top of the world, and like the sky was the limit. My how the years of Trump and COVOD have changed things. As a guy whose hobby is theology and biblical languages this has had some unintended consequences. I'm still mostly conservative theologically. But I guess I used to give conservative evangelical guys the "benefit of the doubt". Now it's like I can't. If I pick up a commentary by a guy who did a PhD at SBTS or RTS I find myself thinking, " eh this guy probably isn't on par with Matt Novenson or Paula Fredriksen"... Honestly I don't like that. :(
Anyway thanks for your writing and putting yourself out there. Liminal spaces aren't always great. But I suppose they're less bad when you know others are there too.
Wow! Thank you, again, for putting words to my thoughts and emotions.
As I sit at home on a Wednesday night when I’ve spent the previous 43 years AT church on Wednesday nights...this idea of thanking God for the liminal spaces is heartbreaking and refreshing, all at the same time.
Thank you for reminding me we’re not alone on the journey.
You’re a little younger than me Aimee, and I too never expected to be residing in a similar place. I love the description of liminal, a place of transition, a scary place, one brought about by deep roots of, for a long time, unnoticed pain, a refining by a fire we didn’t see. And yet, we hold to Hope and Trust, for He who began a good work will see it through to completion.
https://youtu.be/CevxZvSJLk8?si=RR0GNeidcxzumZ89
Roar sister. Roar
Didn't a bard once sing, "I would not feel so all alone . . . EVERYBODY must get stoned?" https://youtu.be/fm-po_FUmvM?si=0vurAzFdXES5coou
But seriously, Aimee, are you on your way in or on your way out?
I did two things before reading my Bible this morning; I listened to Frank Schaeffer, and I read your post. I'm not too terribly familiar with your life's story other than the last couple of posts of yours that I've read, but I'm very familiar with Frank's story and his view of things, especially things "Evangelical." Frank left Evangelicalism and slammed the door behind him so hard that it made the walls shake. You and your writing seem quieter to me. But I can't tell yet whether you are coming or going. I'm a little betwixt and between myself, and although I still call myself an "Evangelical," there's probably a lot of my Brothers and Sisters who wish that I wouldn't. Oh well, to quote Bob Dylan . . . https://themjkxn.substack.com/p/everybody-must-get-stoned
Thanks for reading, Majik. You can follow the links to much of the public part of my story at the bottom of this article: https://aimeebyrd.com/2021/10/22/leaving-the-opc/
Well, Aimee, it seems that you stirred up a hornets' nest for sure . . . or bumped into one. I don't know enough details to have an opinion which it was. Your books have interesting titles, and one of these days I may read one or more of them. "The Sexual Reformation" would be a good one to start with, but I can't make any promises because in just this last month, I've purchased four good books that I haven't even glanced at yet. They just sit there in a stack beside my computer. I was going to add, "mocking me," but that's just my own projection, huh? They're just books, inanimate objects. They don't think or feel anything, least of all disdain. Thank God!
https://themjkxn.substack.com/p/future-plans