Whom we are safe with

What does screaming, “Michelle Obama is a man!” at a UFC event mean?!

It is so difficult not to write about all that is happening in politics, religion, and our country. I mentioned in my earlier post that I want to be careful about how I speak about politics and faith, as I don’t want any future clients to feel like they cannot come to me and share their own values due to my ideologies. And yet, there is another side to this. In my first class for Social and Cultural Foundations, we read an article, Why social justice is a counseling concern (Crethar & Ratts, 2008), and were asked to discuss in small groups whether we agreed with the authors that counseling is not a values-free process. We were asked if we agreed with their echoing of the past president of the ACA that counseling is political, and so is all theory.

The authors (Crethar & Ratts, 2008) argue that to take a neutral stance is akin to saying everything is good the way it is. But if we want to be advocates for our clients, as our ethics codes call us to, and therefore also advocates for a healthier society, we must recognize the relationship between social justice and mental health. People do not come for counseling isolated from the contexts they live in. Isn’t ignoring the fact that oppression exists just another form of gaslighting? When does a counselor’s so-called stance for neutrality become a privileged person pathologizing the oppressed? The authors say,

Political neutrality is virtually impossible within the work of counselors. We find it troubling that almost anytime someone speaks out for or with people who are not well served by these Eurocentric and androcentric perspectives; the advocate is immediately labeled as “political” and “divisive.” These labels are seemingly built upon the presumption that things are as they should be in the world. We believe that a stand for the status quo is every bit as political as one that calls for change. It is quite ironic to label only views with which one disagrees as “political” while considering one’s own views to be normative.

I’ve been thinking about that a lot since the beginning of last spring semester, and particularly how that challenge transitions into my overlap now as a continuing writer and future counselor. I’ve been for the most part playing it safe trying to avoid any future harm. The world doesn’t need to hear my stance on every issue. But I am not neutral, I don’t think the status quo is how things should be, and I think about what kind of person a client will feel safe with. So at times I do speak out about social justice issues. It seems like something catastrophic to human dignity happens every day lately, coming from positions of power. How often, and when do I share? I don’t see my role as calling all these times out. But something happened this week that again challenged me to think about who we are safe with. It is difficult and alarming to see people whom you typically know to be loving participate in conspiracy theories and so-called jokes that perpetuate racism and misogyny. And instances of seeing that play out this week provoked that feeling of unsafety within myself.

First, I have written many things that I am not proud of, and that is sure to harm future clients if they dig long enough on the internet. I’ve also laughed at and made jokes that were demeaning and disrespectful. I feel shame over that. Maybe that was part of the reason I cried when I saw the deplorable repeated declaration that was made by a UFC fighter on the White House lawn during his victory interview, emphatically adding before he exited, “Michelle Obama is a man! Am I right, America?” And Joe Rogan, who conducted the interview, our President, and everyone else there smile and continue on business as usual. I also cried because this lie that black women are men has been perpetuated since early slavery to justify the backbreaking labor they were forced to do. How devastating is it that we are still here? Think what you want about Michelle Obama’s politics, but her education and status are a threat to many men. As a woman. As a black woman. Studies (also here and here) are revealing that intelligent women are a violation of gender norms to many. And there were also tears because, at a significantly lesser level, I have experienced that unsafety and misogyny. Pastors and elders have shared a meme of me as a trans woman. They have posted on social media dissecting my looks, saying my femininity is withdrawn and that I look butch—for all my kids and friends to see on Twitter.

What does this all mean? What does screaming, “Michelle Obama is a man!” at a UFC event mean?! Does it mean that it is okay to beat her in the face as they do to each other? Does that absurd accusation discredit the work she has done? Her degrees earned? Her motherhood? Her status as the former First Lady?

What does joking with a meme suggesting that I’m trans mean? That I deserve all the same ridicule dished out to the trans community? That the trans community deserves to be treated like trash? That we can all be discounted from being human? That we do not deserve dignity? That our work doesn’t matter?

To call her a man says everything about the people saying it and really nothing about Michelle Obama. It says even more about those in power who enable it and the culture of those sharing the joke and laughing along. That speaks volumes. Michelle Obama isn’t the one who is unsafe or ill-equipped. What does it mean when women and minorities can show the receipts, when there are countless witnesses, and your own family members or church members are in on the “joke?” Who is safe? That’s the question that was rumbling in my body as I watched this violence towards her.

And all the women and all the black men and black women hear the message that comment sends, loud and clear. Things are not right in this world. And personhood seems to be very much a political matter. So does safety.