Things I’m Leaving Behind and Things I’m Bringing with Me in the New Year

And my new word for 2026

(2025 vibe)

We get this chance once a year. A chance to reflect on where we are and where we are going. A chance to reflect on who we are and who we are becoming.

2025 has been a year! For me, 2026 is a building year. I’m kicking it off taking 4 classes in my clinical mental health counseling program while working a day or two a week as a mixologist. I also get to start the year preaching a sermon while our pastor begins her family leave. One thing I love about our church and our pastor is how they empower all the people there, trusting the Holy Spirit works through more than the ordained. Perhaps this is a key part of ordination: appointees for looking for the Spirit working and helping us to join in. But, I’m going down a rabbit hole here.

Something I’ve been working on is identifying what I need to put down and leave behind. Sometimes you don’t realize what you’ve been carrying for so long and how it is weighing you down—or how old coping mechanisms don’t serve you anymore. And I’ve noticed that they can be hard to let go of. I still get something out of them, like a comfort blanket that is getting dingy. So, I want to also acknowledge that I am not just going to go cold turkey; this leaving behind is a process. It sounds good to write down, but it is harder to actually do.

I was just reading in Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning about all the potentialities in our lives that we may never actualize. Perhaps we like them better as “maybe one days.” Possibilities feel good. But they can be scary to pursue. Freedom has another side to it: commitment and response-ibility. To actualize is to commit to a path, to go for it, with all it’s consequences. It is to choose which potentialities to bring to life, or to stay behind while the maybe one days slowly all become could have beens. As Frankl put it,

“Live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now!”

That’s what I love about the New Year. It’s an existential invitation. As I am actualizing some potentialities, there are others that snuck in that I want to de-actualize. So here are a few of my not favorite things that I want to work to leave behind in 2026.

Leaving behind should.

A friend once told me that should is an asshole, and that was very clarifying for me. I live with a lot of shoulds. But I want to leave them behind. Who wants to keep companions with assholes? I also put shoulds on others, especially my family. I keep catching myself. There’s a lot of work to do here, but I’m working on my asshole detector.

Leaving behind rigid parts.

This is related to should. I’d like to identify old roles that aren’t really helping anyone anymore. For example, as a first-born daughter I’ve taken on an unconscious role as the fixer. And guess what? Fixers can be super-annoying growth inhibitors. My fixer part maybe can back off a little, let people feel uncomfortable. Let them struggle. There are better ways to be helpful. Maybe my fixer part can take on a new role of sitting with, or asking good questions, or empowering others.

Leaving behind I can do it myself.

I don’t think I’m ready for this yet. But I am recognizing it. I want to keep it all together. Myself. I have the hardest time asking for help. I love my “I can do it myself” part. I’m sure she’s protecting something very vulnerable. But that part lives on an island. She has crazy expectations. And she is holding onto a falsehood.

Here’s what I want to bring with me into 2026:

Encounter

The existentialists call it the “I/Thou” moment. It’s a presence moment, whether an encounter with beauty, God, or a face. It’s a connection. How many real encounters have I had this year, when I’ve paused in gratitude and received? How many times have I dropped my own mask and spoke soul-to-soul with someone? How many times have I really seen the amazing, wonderous world and people around me? This is the juice of life and I want more of it.

Helping my kids know their value

Sometimes I feel like I am all about this and then others I feel like I’ve really lost the plot. What treasures I have! I want them to know it all the time! They are all young adults now and I am amazed by them. Words are important. But so is my face lighting up when they enter a room. I want my kids to feel like it is always good to see them. I can give them that—our body language says so much. So does listening. And just showing up for them when they need me.

Friendship

This is true wealth—good friends. I’ve been through some humdinger betrayals in the last five years, but I have an abundance of richness in the friends that remained and actualized (my new word for 2026, if you haven’t noticed). Of course I want to be a good friend, whatever that is. I think it is mainly about showing your face and showing up. It’s about being curious and being silly. It’s why Stranger Things is such a success (besides the fact that the 80’s makes us all happy): It displays the friendship we all long for. Friends don’t lie. But we do. Friends don’t break promises. But we do. Friends look out for each other. But we fail. And yet, friends do the work of repair. That’s where we grow. That’s what makes a good friend.

One more: Answering life/response-ibility

Back to Victor Frankl. We can spend our time asking what the meaning of life is, feeling safe in the vagueness of it all, or we can begin responding to what life is asking of us specifically. We all have specific vocations we are called to answer. Frankl asserts that each one of us is being asked a question by life to which only we ourselves can answer. He says that “[we] can only answer to life by answering for [our] own life; to life [we] can only respond by being responsible.” And, as Angelica from The Rugs Rats said, “I’ve got sponserbilleries!”