I recall some of those from when you went through them, Aimee. The pain and shame you experienced is heartbreaking. The strength and maturity with which you faced it all is astounding.
You have taught me much for a decade and a half. You’re still teaching me.
P.S. Back then I wrote to that pastor you podcasted with and asked why he wasn’t sticking up for you like a friend should. He told me to stop bothering him. As for the theologian cohost, I didn’t bother trying to reach out based on my past experiences with him. I just took the one book of his I owned off my shelf and threw it out.
Yes. Take it to the tomb... But also keep speaking. The only way that we can love our sisters as ourselves is by us listening and hearing what they are experiencing.
The power of words to unite and heal the body of Christ!
Yes. Thank you Sam for summing up the key points of Aimee’s post so well. 🙂
Some folks in Christendom claim that the “keep speaking” part is evidence that the speaker is unforgiving / defective / unhealed / pathological / untrustworthy in some way. This is another form of DARVO: turning the finger of blame and shame onto the victim who keeps speaking out.
Misogyny is a subtle beast that lies at the door of many hearts. It may appear to be a sleeping beast, invisible, inconsequential; but out of the mouth the heart speaks, and a discerning person can sense the heart which is tainted and corrupted by misogyny.
These are the stories that make me want to give up on people. So I go back to the gospel story and Jesus himself speaking to the women, and the men calling them crazy, and Jesus himself come to Mary Magdalene and asking, “Woman, why are you weeping?” I am so thankful for these stories, for the way Jesus has never once called women less than. I also have not ever thought about the fact that Jesus was real friends with these women. Why didn’t this occur to me til just now?
Recently retired pastor of over 30 years here....I just want to say that I am so, so sorry for all these instances (and undoubtedly many others) in which such things were said or done, not said or not done to demean you. Thanks for your courage to share and speak out. Thanks for speaking truth in a time that desperately needs it.
I have heard and felt many similar messages of shame given to me. Given at me. Given about me. May the shamers squirm in shame for being so unkind and disrespectful, and then may they grow towards emotional maturity as a result.
And may God forgive me and help me develop maturity and lovingkindness as He shows me the instances in which I have mistreated others.
Me too. Every single bit of this. I am so grateful to be a part of a community where sexism and misogyny is almost nonexistent, but it took a lot of prayer and tears to get there, and I had to be willing to let myself be called a heretic.
Honestly, being called a heretic to the outside world is better than is better than gaslighting myself into unconscious hypocrisy.
Weeping with you, Aimee, and thankful for the hope you find in Jesus. I was just reading John 19, where before Jesus is buried, he quotes Zech 12:10, “They will look at the one they pierced.” What follows after that in Zech seemed fitting to share, with the refrain “and the women by themselves.” That isolation, too, was put into the tomb.
Zechariah 12:10-14
[10] "Then I will pour out a spirit of grace and prayer on the house of David and the residents of Jerusalem, and they will look at me whom they pierced. They will mourn for him as one mourns for an only child and weep bitterly for him as one weeps for a firstborn. [11] On that day the mourning in Jerusalem will be as great as the mourning of Hadad-rimmon in the plain of Megiddo. [12] The land will mourn, every family by itself: the family of David's house by itself and their women by themselves; the family of Nathan's house by itself and their women by themselves; [13] the family of Levi's house by itself and their women by themselves; the family of Shimei by itself and their women by themselves; [14] all the remaining families, every family by itself, and their women by themselves.
Wow, Aaron, thanks for sharing this. It's especially powerful after returning from our sunrise service this morning with the sermon text being the original ending of Mark, with the women trembling in astonishment, not yet able to find their voices. Our pastor preached on how Easter begins in the dark.
“… and the women by themselves” is a repeated refrain in that passage. I find that telling. And intriguing. It seems to point towards the women having a different level or kind of grief than the men, which in turn may point to the misogyny which Aimee highlighted in her post.
Thank you for sharing that passage Aaron. It’s worth mulling over. 🙂🫡🫥😢
Thank you, Aimee, for these words. I’m beginning to let go of the anger, hurt, and disappointment I have towards men in the churches I’ve been in. Thankful that Jesus sees and sits with me in the shame they try to heap on my life.
I’m thankful God has brought us a new family in the Anglican Church. But past hurts are hard to heal, especially when I realize the damage my children endured when they were young. But God gives new life and His mercies are great.
I hate that you have endured these comments and treatment from people in your local community who should have been treating you as a precious, valued sister. I’m so sorry. I love you.
how come a woman can preach Christ on the mission field and street corners but if she steps into the church with the exact same message she is considered rebellious, out of order, going against God, etc.
if that church were to blow away in a tornado could she then stand in the empty spot and preach Christ?
The elder that told a woman, right after she moved to California, that she would soon lose weight and dye her hair blonde, because that is what women do when they move to California.
And about the woman who was invited to help the male elders write a child safety policy, and after she met with them she was left to walk to her car by herself in a dangerous neighborhood.
Thank you for sharing this truthful accounting of what it can be like to be a woman in Christian circles. I’m so sorry you have endured this, and thankful for your voice.
I recall some of those from when you went through them, Aimee. The pain and shame you experienced is heartbreaking. The strength and maturity with which you faced it all is astounding.
You have taught me much for a decade and a half. You’re still teaching me.
P.S. Back then I wrote to that pastor you podcasted with and asked why he wasn’t sticking up for you like a friend should. He told me to stop bothering him. As for the theologian cohost, I didn’t bother trying to reach out based on my past experiences with him. I just took the one book of his I owned off my shelf and threw it out.
Thanks for your support and encouragement all these years, Tim.
Back atcha, Aim.
Hi, Tim!! So good to see you here!
Hey, Sam! Hope all is well.
Doing great. I'm a human resources manager in Minnesota now. Lots of changes.
My old denomination couldn't deal with my liberal ways 😁
You are set up to be great at HR!
Yes. Take it to the tomb... But also keep speaking. The only way that we can love our sisters as ourselves is by us listening and hearing what they are experiencing.
The power of words to unite and heal the body of Christ!
“ Take it to the tomb... But also keep speaking.”
Yes. Thank you Sam for summing up the key points of Aimee’s post so well. 🙂
Some folks in Christendom claim that the “keep speaking” part is evidence that the speaker is unforgiving / defective / unhealed / pathological / untrustworthy in some way. This is another form of DARVO: turning the finger of blame and shame onto the victim who keeps speaking out.
Misogyny is a subtle beast that lies at the door of many hearts. It may appear to be a sleeping beast, invisible, inconsequential; but out of the mouth the heart speaks, and a discerning person can sense the heart which is tainted and corrupted by misogyny.
These are the stories that make me want to give up on people. So I go back to the gospel story and Jesus himself speaking to the women, and the men calling them crazy, and Jesus himself come to Mary Magdalene and asking, “Woman, why are you weeping?” I am so thankful for these stories, for the way Jesus has never once called women less than. I also have not ever thought about the fact that Jesus was real friends with these women. Why didn’t this occur to me til just now?
It is so life-giving to look to Christ.
Recently retired pastor of over 30 years here....I just want to say that I am so, so sorry for all these instances (and undoubtedly many others) in which such things were said or done, not said or not done to demean you. Thanks for your courage to share and speak out. Thanks for speaking truth in a time that desperately needs it.
Thank you for reading, Chris.
Brilliant post Aimee! Thank you.
I have heard and felt many similar messages of shame given to me. Given at me. Given about me. May the shamers squirm in shame for being so unkind and disrespectful, and then may they grow towards emotional maturity as a result.
And may God forgive me and help me develop maturity and lovingkindness as He shows me the instances in which I have mistreated others.
I'm so sorry for these messages you have endured, Barbara.
Me too. Every single bit of this. I am so grateful to be a part of a community where sexism and misogyny is almost nonexistent, but it took a lot of prayer and tears to get there, and I had to be willing to let myself be called a heretic.
Honestly, being called a heretic to the outside world is better than is better than gaslighting myself into unconscious hypocrisy.
Indeed. I'm glad you have a good community now, Jackie.
Weeping with you, Aimee, and thankful for the hope you find in Jesus. I was just reading John 19, where before Jesus is buried, he quotes Zech 12:10, “They will look at the one they pierced.” What follows after that in Zech seemed fitting to share, with the refrain “and the women by themselves.” That isolation, too, was put into the tomb.
Zechariah 12:10-14
[10] "Then I will pour out a spirit of grace and prayer on the house of David and the residents of Jerusalem, and they will look at me whom they pierced. They will mourn for him as one mourns for an only child and weep bitterly for him as one weeps for a firstborn. [11] On that day the mourning in Jerusalem will be as great as the mourning of Hadad-rimmon in the plain of Megiddo. [12] The land will mourn, every family by itself: the family of David's house by itself and their women by themselves; the family of Nathan's house by itself and their women by themselves; [13] the family of Levi's house by itself and their women by themselves; the family of Shimei by itself and their women by themselves; [14] all the remaining families, every family by itself, and their women by themselves.
Wow, Aaron, thanks for sharing this. It's especially powerful after returning from our sunrise service this morning with the sermon text being the original ending of Mark, with the women trembling in astonishment, not yet able to find their voices. Our pastor preached on how Easter begins in the dark.
“… and the women by themselves” is a repeated refrain in that passage. I find that telling. And intriguing. It seems to point towards the women having a different level or kind of grief than the men, which in turn may point to the misogyny which Aimee highlighted in her post.
Thank you for sharing that passage Aaron. It’s worth mulling over. 🙂🫡🫥😢
Thank you, Aimee, for these words. I’m beginning to let go of the anger, hurt, and disappointment I have towards men in the churches I’ve been in. Thankful that Jesus sees and sits with me in the shame they try to heap on my life.
I'm so sorry that you are suffering through this too, Suanne.
I’m thankful God has brought us a new family in the Anglican Church. But past hurts are hard to heal, especially when I realize the damage my children endured when they were young. But God gives new life and His mercies are great.
Man, I hear you on the impact on our children.
I hate that you have endured these comments and treatment from people in your local community who should have been treating you as a precious, valued sister. I’m so sorry. I love you.
Thank you, Rachel.
how come a woman can preach Christ on the mission field and street corners but if she steps into the church with the exact same message she is considered rebellious, out of order, going against God, etc.
if that church were to blow away in a tornado could she then stand in the empty spot and preach Christ?
It brought to mind a couple of anecdotes -
The elder that told a woman, right after she moved to California, that she would soon lose weight and dye her hair blonde, because that is what women do when they move to California.
And about the woman who was invited to help the male elders write a child safety policy, and after she met with them she was left to walk to her car by herself in a dangerous neighborhood.
We have a problem...
Someone I know lost weight and her pastor preached a sermon shaming married women who lose weight b/c they are obviously having an affair. A sermon!!
Holy mackerel. It's just horrible
Heyo! These messages deserve death. Thank you for going ahead of us and showing us the way.
Oh Aimee, all of these recollections are gut wrenching. Yes, yes, take it to Jesus. He can handle it. Thank you for sharing 🩷🩷🩷
I am speechless. Only the echoes of silence are needed
Amen
Thank you for sharing this truthful accounting of what it can be like to be a woman in Christian circles. I’m so sorry you have endured this, and thankful for your voice.
Thank you, Kimi.